Everything I do bothers her. She tells everyone how much she regrets having me and I know I can’t do anything to change that I just wished that she at least liked me. My younger sisters are her favourites and my brother is my dads favourite. I’m just here They cared when i was the only child and I was only that for a few months but now they can’t stand me. I just want to feel loved, she reminds me everyday that she regrets having me and that I’m a waste of space. She says so many hurtful things and it crushes me every time I expect her to say sorry I cry in my room and wait and hope that she’ll be like everyone’s else’s mums and come and apologise but she never does. She just yells at me and screams more hateful things, I’ll never be good enough I know that I just wish I was.

No matter how old I get I’ll always feel like the little girl I once was begging mummy to love me

Life is just a routine of frustrating chores. What does it all amount to? The answer is survival. At this point, I live due to the primal instinct of not dying. I hate dealing with everything. Work, taxes, society, family. I’m sick of all of it. I’d rather it all be gone, so I can be left to my own devices. I want to be the master of my own universe, but I can’t because I’m just another person. Another cog in some pointless wheel, surrounded by a bunch of other worthless cogs.

My balls hurt. I just got snipped and now my nuts hurt. I hope my wife gets back soon with my pain pills. The local is starting to wear off.....

My buddy had this done about a year ago and his balls swelled up to the size of a basketball for like a month. Hopefully that shit doesn't happen to me.

This site is so far up it’s own ass in censor ship that any attempts to even talk about the RESTRICT act gets censored by a bot.

People do not understand that this is NOT just a TikTok ban. TikTok was a guise. An excuse.

It gives the executive powers the authority to ban any app or site they want under the guise of “national security”.

It gives the government the authority to spy on Americans through their personal devices, routers etc without permission or notice.

This shits on freedom of speech and privacy. This is about control.

I shouldn’t have to hear about this on fucking TikTok. Every platform should be talking about this. This affects everyone.

It pisses me off that this is not talked about on Reddit enough.

I have a very hard time disciplining myself and I want to start trying to lose weight. I work at a job that constantly has me moving and lifting heavy items for 8 hours every shit. I also walk 2-3 miles every day for class. As of right now, I don't have any want to go to the gym. Maybe once summer begins and I'm not walking as much because I won't be in class, that is something I can start thinking of.

But my issue is, not disciplining myself with eating unhealthy foods.

Other than the whole weight loss thing, there are other things I want to be able to discipline myself on. Like I want to journal every day (or try to). I want to read every day and so on. But I know myself and won't do those things.

I also want to start making my bed every morning, but I know that I don't care enough to make it. I prioritize my sleep over waking up earlier to make my bed.

So what are ways you discipline yourself that actually works that could possibly help others?

it's such a crippling feeling.

There's been moments in life I'd have loved to have a close friend listen to me and let me hug them, but I can't ever trust anyone with what I have in my mind, I Don't even have someone like that, and even if I did have a friend like that I'd never say what I had in my mind.

Everyday feels like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness of the ocean and I don't do anything about it.

Today just felt ten times worse.

hi im 13 years old and my friend tried to kill himself. his name is peter, hes been my best friend since 1st grade, we have always stuck together. and lately me and him have been going through a rough patch in both our lives. for me, my dad moved 1000 miles away for a job that he couldnt refuse last may, and my mom got too attached to her boyfriend (my parents are divorced), and she comes home around 10pm and i have to make dinner for myself. my sister is also actually crazy and has assaulted me, and overdosed on xanax (shes 15). my friend (peter), his parents are divorced, and he has an abusive and mentally unstable dad who has falled into the world of drugs. peters older sister abuses drugs like weed, mushrooms, and lsd, and probably salvia. after i moved away he found out that all of his other skating friends are moving out of state and to neighboring places. me and peter got into skating in july. peter started smoking weed but i didnt, it didnt cause our friendship to fail or anything. i tried weed in october and it really was amazing, i would go home with peter after school, smoke weed, then go downtown and skate until 10pm, on weekeneds i would be coming home around 2am, but my mom wouldnt care. my dad is an awesome guy who is in good shape and hes smart, but he couldnt really do anything because he was 1000 miles away. during thanksgiving my dad proposed me to live with him and live a better life, i ended up accepting. i was scheduled to move during december, and just like that i was with my dad. i played with peter online which was okay, i really missed skating and stuff. i didnt have any withdrawls with weed or anything. but when school started i really started to lose my mind. i didnt even have the courage to talk to anyone. these past 3 months i havent gotten anyones number or snapchat, ive just been a mysterious loner, and my grades dropped. i havent been going to school that much, (i just drink some mouthwash, throw up infront of my dad, and get the day off). i really just want to move back to where i used to live, but my mom is deciding to move in with her boyfriend next summer, (her boyfriend lives 30 mins away from my mom), so i cant move back. and my mom is ignoring my texts about visiting this summer. like i dont really feel any emotion but sadness, i just keep on having these thoughts like "i hate my life so much" "why does my life have to be so fucked up" and stuff like that. i recently took up graffiti, which has helped a little bit in making me feel alive. but i recently had a deep conversation with peter. and today i was snapchating him and he sent me a pic of him in the hospital. and it turns out he tried to kill himself. and im just devastated, hes like my brother and i would do anything to help him. but i cant because im stuck 1000 miles away from him. and im not mad at him, im just so sad that he tried to kill himself. and i just wish there was something i could do. if i was there then i could just wait for him to be checked out, then watch a movie together and skate and have fun. but im just so torn up about it, and im so worried that im gonna lose him. and now when i think about it i really realize that my life hasnt gotten better like everyone has said it will.

I completely own who I am. I am autistic, epileptic, and have had multiple heart surgeries to treat tachycardia. The issue is, at some point, they end up switching to treating me like I will be easily hurt or offended in some way, which is more offensive to me personally than actually being ablist directly to my face.

While this can be true to an extent with the autism, I am very open about what causes irritation with that. What annoys me most are particular sounds and how people treat me. I don't need to be babied or treated with kid gloves.

The thing that most offends me personally is when someone calls me "differently abled". In how I personally interpret that phrase, you are basically saying the same thing as disabled, just framed in a way where you think I am sensitive to a term. Call me disabled, call me special needs, etc. I really could care less about those terms. To me, calling me differently abled to me means that you think I am not capable of doing things the average person does. Sure, I might not be able to drive, and I may not socialize as well as I can without the techniques I learned through therapy, but that doesn't mean that I am more or less capable than anyone else to do anything. I will just have to go about it in different ways sometimes. Calling attention to that by saying I am "differently abled" annoys me far more than you being outwardly ablist to my face.

/rant

I don't mean for this to sound edgy lol. But before I knew this guy, I was basically an innocent puppy. I had very naive ideas about love and relationships. I know I will never be who I used to be, and I don't exactly mind that. But is this a really common experience? To go from being a naive/innocent girl who gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, to becoming someone who is distrustful of others and more aware of people's propensity to be shit? Sometimes it feels like there is a physical barrier around my heart keeping me away from everyone. I'm just not the same person anymore. And I still feel like I carry some kind of grief around, like it's fused with myself.

My friends are all attractive, if they aren’t hot they are at least above average. None of them have issues with people finding them attractive or thinking they’re ugly. All of them have had sex, and have had random hookups. Most of them have had boyfriends or girlfriends.

Yet they all fish for compliments talk about how bad they look when they still look good. It’s so fucking frustrating. I would give of 50 years of my life if it meant I got to look like them. They get to have romantic interactions, and dates and all the good things that come with being attractive.

Im stuck like this. I can’t fucking stand them sometimes.

i’m 20f and have obviously been sick before but it’s either flu like (vomiting etc) or cold like (sniffles , sore throat etc) but this is so weird .. it’s like my body is sick?

it started about 5 days ago and I felt slightly off but I also was not sleeping at night and sleeping throughout the day so I blamed my own stupid sleep schedule for feeling a bit meh. I also was eating stuff that upsets my stomach knowing I shouldn’t! so put it down to that too.

but about two days ago I fixed my schedule and stopped any upsetting foods (anything that I thought was my own fault for feeling this way) but … bam the worst feeling actually got worse.

I cant stop sleeping , but I don’t necessarily feel refreshed anytime I wake up. it just hits me once my pills ware off and I wake. And like I can not. stop. sleeping? i’ll sleep all day and then go straight back to bed.

I felt nauseous the other day and like a pressure on my head but no headache, fatigue and general bleh. took a covid test and it was negative. I cant even put into words how it feels .. i’ve never felt like my body is sick but can’t describe it. I don’t know if it’s related but I also have a really painful bit left of my pelvis , but I asked someone and they said this might be glands fighting off infection. scared :(

the last time I was sexually active was just over three weeks ago and i’m on a contraceptive pill and kinda shitting myself what if i’m pregnant. but I did a pregnancy test a week ago and this week cause this is an illness i’ve never felt before and negative.

ugh anyone experienced this?!

So I left my ex girlfriend about 8 months ago. I’m not gonna go into a ton of detail, but my mental health was extremely poor and I came to the realization (after 5 years, from 17-22) that I was kinda using my relationship with her to avoid figuring my shit out, and putting way too much pressure on myself to want to be in the relationship. I was really, really unhealthy and I kinda realized all at once that I needed to either bail or consign myself to a life of misery, prioritizing her happiness over my own. After months of self torture, I picked the second thing.

Since then, I’ve kinda turned my life around. I actually have career goals, am set to start a masters program in the summer, and I resolved some pretty fucked up trauma from when I was a kid. I actually love myself, and I’m actually capable of feeling happy and not-anxious all the time. I breathe easier. I’ve lost a ton of weight and also came out as gay. I feel like I’m really living and not just surviving.

But I can’t express how much guilt I feel about how things ended. Thing is, everything seemed fine to her - like, normal - until the last 48 hours of our relationship, when I really suddenly came clean to her about how depressed I was and how much I needed to be alone. I really blindsided her and wasted her time, and I know it really hurt her and damaged her trust.

I tried reaching back out several months after the break-up (once I felt like I had a better handle on myself) and explaining myself, and trying to own up to my admittedly really shitty actions. I do feel like I got to explain myself to some extent. But it ended with her pretty much eviscerating me and telling me I’m a shitty person who doesn’t deserve to ‘just move on’. It hurt like hell. Though I get that she had the right to say whatever she wanted, considering that I’m the one who hurt her. After she went off on me I pretty much said that the potential for friendship was over, since I didn’t see the point of keeping a relationship with someone who felt that way about me.

So yeah, that’s kinda how things ended off. That convo was 4 months ago. I don’t know why she’s still stuck in my head, but for the last few nights she’s started popping up in my dreams. I really regret how bad things ended, so in these dreams we’re on good terms and just talking, sharing our lives with each other. I didn’t realize I’d miss her friendship so much.

I can’t have this guilt bouncing around in my head so much. I’ve had these dreams sporadically since that Final Conversation, but now they’ve cropped every night over the last 3-4 days. I do have a therapist but I’m not seeing her for a while. Just wondering if you guys have any thoughts or advice on what I can do to get these under control. Thanks :)

I am only shit on company time.

My brother has recently asked me to sign over a field my Dad left to me, in exchange for zilch, just he says he needs it to keep the family farm intact. My brother has 5 of 6 of the family farm fields my dad once owned until he died about a year ago, I have the remaining 1 field. He says the land needs to stay together. I said no to him when he asked this question recently because I am planning on planting an orchard in the field and have about 4 years of growing trees from graft in plant pots ready to plant this year. He and my sister have been treating me really badly for the last while since my Dad died, they used to treat me bad but they've really ratcheted it up a notch. My other one sibling is living abroad and was the only ever decent sibling, I've contacted him but he's not got back about it.

I found cut up fence posts for my trees that I bought recently in my brother's firewood pile, the posts weren't cheap so I was angry about it. I'm planting trees in the field soon and he is pretty against that plan because that is his grazing land for his sheep. I confronted him about it and he said he said he'll knock me if I mention it again.

Told my mum but she is very non-confrontational and said she wont do anything. Fair enough I guess, its her choice to not do anything.

At the moment I've got my sister who says because I wont sign over the field that I need mental help and a brother who is treating me like trash for the same reason.

I used to help him on the farm for years also, but his attitude had just gotten so toxic that I couldn't put myself through it, even though I wanted to be a good brother and help (and I'd probably have helped all my life no questions asked), he'd just was too awful (see previous post in my history) about just this. Can you imagine being so awful to someone that helped you for years.

I am living at my Mum's house, with Mum and that Sister, the Brother who wants the land lives next door. I'm pretty sure I am moving away in the next year or so to the city but I intend to come back regularly to tend to the orchard and see my little nephews and mum again.

I can't see what their angle is, am I the baddie here in some way. It just seems too stupid that its got to make some sense.

This is my throwaway account as well, just incase it gets traced back to me.

EDIT: Its the next day now. Sister has been trying to start a big fight all morning and me and Mum are pretty much just ignoring her because she is acting this way. I guarantee she'd latch onto anything I said and use it against me. She has stormed off for a while now to the house next door. My Mum came to me just a minute ago and told me that a few days prior that my sister and brother came to her saying that I got too much inheritance (I got 50% of the family home as well, sister got the other 50%) and that I need to sign it over. My brother said he needs the field to 'make the farm'. My mum said that she sees that they are totally out of line for suggesting such a thing but wont be confronting them over it. That's disappointing, but fair enough in my eyes, my Mum's had a tough life, I don't want her in the middle of this thing if she doesn't want to.

EDIT2: It might be worth noting that the house my sister stormed off to, is one that she now owns. My brother (the decent one, who is now in Wales) got left it in my uncles inheritance and she argued with my dying Dad for months before he passed, that that brother will get too much inheritance from my uncle and dad combined and that because of that more inheritance should go to her and the brother who wants my field, suggesting that he should sign over that house to her to make things right. My Dad was on oxygen and had to leave the room multiple times because of this, gasping for air while getting away. Of course my brother tried the same thing regarding getting all 6 fields but to a lesser degree, he just kept bringing it up but nowhere near as bad as my sister. Of course they totally deny anything like this happened now.

EDIT3: Just finding out from my Mum that originally my oldest brother (the one who wants my field) was going to be left 3 fields, my brother who went to Wales 2 fields and me 1 field. My oldest brother convinced a change of the will in the last few months of my Dad's life and got 5 fields to him. He and my sister convinced my parents that the brother in Wales would sell the land, and it could be even more likely if a divorce or something occurs. Just a single field left in his sights now. My bro at this point thinks he is Thanos collecting the infinity fields :|

EDIT4: Just saying that even though my Mum isn't going to confronting them, its good to know that she acknowledges to me the scheme that they are trying is quite obviously really greedy and immoral. I'm no longer entirely alone on this one and it feels better.

I keep having the same dream over and over again what does this mean Everytime i take a long break from smoking weed i dont have any dreams when i do smoke regulerly.

but recently i took a break for a couple of days and my dreams starting coming back slowly and its alwasy the same outcome to the dream and almost seems like the same locations.

I keep having the recurring dream of 1. someone getting shot 2. me having to run away or get away what does that mean?

Guys of r/self,

Is it just me, or do you find girls in just simple clothing, not done up fancy, and no makeup extremely attractive and does it borderline drive you crazy?

Crocs and sweatpants are an EXTREMELY dangerous combination, at least to me.

I love simplicity. Fancy is beautiful, but it's for specific times.

Even when she first wakes up and she has the sleepy voice and messy hair duo, Jesus Christ it's just - chef's kiss

I honestly think that the deeper in love you are with someone, the less you care about what the person looks like. They're just automatically beautiful no matter the situation. And they don't have to be stripped to turn you on, like any little thing they do drives you nuts.

When she walks out with curlers in her hair or a towel on her head from the shower, I lose the ability to speak. It genuinely makes me want to cry, but in a "what the hell did I do to deserve this" kinda way.

I'm curious if it's just me. My cheeks hurt from blusing while I'm writing this, so I think I should stop now.

You know those goats that freeze and pass out when they're scared ? Well I'm like that in that whenever I'm stressed or I have anxiety ( which is ALWAYS ) I get so incredibly sleepy it's hard for me to get anything done. I chug loads of coffee and caffeinated drinks to try and wake myself up and I've been doing it so often I built a tolerance so that doesn't work either. No matter how much I sleep the sleepiness won't go away and gets worse the more stressed I am. Just wondering if anyone else suffered something similar and if it's been solved.

Whenever I'm at social gatherings I feel a little insecure and hesitant to start conversations or approach people. I'm always afraid I'll be judged or looked at as lame

I'm a naturally charismatic and charming person when I get comfortable in my environment. But before then I feel internally in edge because I'm more concerned about knowing who's who as opposed to throwing myself at people. How can I stop overthinking and become confident? Also how do I make eye contact.

It's literally become a lifelong habit...I've always avoided eye contact ever since I was a child and It's become so a part of my life that it's not unconscious. I feel people automatically look down on me because of this trait.

I have cared for family members and strangers. But in so doing now have trauma. I am homeless. I have had to watch loved ones die. I have been there for last breaths. And I have been abused by bad bosses. Recently I purged the memories I let it go so to speak but just when I no longer carried the weight I've been given the opportunity to be a part of change. I'm excited for this. And I'm concerned because I'm still living some of the trauma and not confident I can balance telling my story while still living that story. So I'm asking for others to look into the home health care workforce stabilization act being presented across the country. It's effecting change to better things for both workers and clients. Wish me luck please. I would find strength to not be a victim and be able to wear a badge of honor as a part of change in a positive way. To leave a mark however small instead of feeling like a waste of life. Looking for a sub reddit to post videos relating to the subject so please send suggestions.

I’m 31f and a fucking loser and failure. I still live at home because I work a worthless job and this summer will be fucking 8 years since I graduated college and it was a waste of money. I got a BS in biology which is pretty much useless on its own and idk wtf to do. If I could I would go to med school but thanks to being a loser forever I’d never get in because I just went to school and went home and grades/MCAT score don’t really mean anything on their own anymore and you needs to have done all kinds of shit to have a chance and I couldn’t even write a personal statement. Same problem if I tried to apply to PA school. I know I couldn’t do nursing because of the amount of utter BS they have to deal with and idk how they do it without cussing people out daily. One of the many times trying to find what I could do I found Medical Physics and I would love that even more, but there’s a fraction the amount of programs for that as there are med schools and even fewer residencies, so talk about impossible.

I don’t want to do research, you could never pay me enough for any kind of sales, even pharmacy/medical equipment/whatever, idk wtf I even went to college for, and likes grade A loser mommy and daddy paid for it and my worthless ass is not only not using it but working as a useless medical assistant that doesn’t require any kind of degree or schooling. I have no friends. I’ll never get married, I’ve never even had a boyfriend, and who the fuck would ever want anything to do with a massive grade A loser. I’m never going to amount to anything and I’ll always be that loser that lives at home. I have nothing to look forward to in “life” and I wish I could just fucking end it already, not like anyone would give a shit since no one gives a shit now

I have something important coming up in a month and I don't know if I'll be able to prepare for it in time. It may be the most important day of my life. But the fear that I would be ill prepared keeps clawing at me. I'm scared that distractions will pull me in. I need to maintain self control because I lose my will very quickly.

Probably the wrong group I’m posting in but my brother is experiencing an allergic reaction, he was helping someone clean/renovate their home and he started experiencing hair itching. Now he has hives all over his face to the point where he looks like a different person and its super t’s itchy but he’s in no respiratory distress. He took a Piriton tablet and the swelling on his face began to go down but his body started flaring up with hives.

He has a history of getting mild hives on his arms randomly at his new home he moved into 1 year ago but this is the first time that he has experienced a full body reaction. He has no known allergies.

Do you guys have any idea what it could be or what he could do to stop it?

I understand that I am very VERY young and haven't even started life but sometimes I get irritated.

I try my very best to not compare myself to others but sometimes it's very hard. It's whenever I go to school, work, or anywhere I hear all the experience or achievements that people have accomplished over their years. These people can be as young as 18 to 50-60 and it is just frustrating hearing about their lives.

Life for instance my co-worker (who's my age and is also in college) saved up a shit ton of money to buy a fairly expensive car which he ended up making a profit off of. But then there's me, I'm stuck with a old ass car that I have spent a shit ton of money just to really keep RUNNIG that has cost me more that the worth of the car.

One of my friends is a writer and I heard about the stories he's written and finished. But then there's me, who can't even finish the first damn draft for about 3 years on and off who constantly keeps changing the story.

Then another situation is some of my friends are artists. I see all the wonderful things they draw/animate on social media/their websites and they're beautiful. But no matter how much I practice drawing, my art comes out looking horrible.

All this has caused me to become engrained myself in all these hobbies with me trying to get good at ATLEAST one of them but all that happens is I suffer a burnout and just lose all motivation or creativity. So now my room is just filled with junk reminding me of all the past hobbies I failed at getting involved in. I don't even want to do anything anymore. I just go home, watch youtube/sleep, go to work, and repeat with every now so often having these small bursts of motivation that just end up dying days later.

I don't know what to do anymore, any advice?